What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 10:49
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Are there many people here who suffer from schizophrenia?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Would this be the day?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
What is the estimated number of people with an extra X chromosome?
I said to her
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
What did i know ?
Who then, do I blame.?
I was scared of men, in general
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why do men love to stink/being smelly?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Has your wife or girlfriend ever been felt up in public by a stranger?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
One cannot live in the past .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But, we were locked up after school.
She wouldn,t have been !
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
What are some good Caribbean islands to travel to with friends or family? Why?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But it wasn’t much.
How do you deal with a neighbor stealing?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Especially a lifetime of it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He knew the spot.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Why do girls in Indian top colleges wear shorts?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
What is the meaning of xx in texting?
I write beautiful poetry .
She married twice! .
She was in good health!
How do military families handle communication when a service member is injured overseas?
Ive learnt so much.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I couldn’t, believe it.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And i lived it daily.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I waited trembling.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Comes on , in middle age.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was very sick at this time too.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was seconnd youngest,
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
So whats the point in blame.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I don,t even have a pension.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My family never makes their pension either.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Was to survive, this bastard.
I will be 64.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
It was going to be , some day.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She found it foreign!.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He resisted the act ,that day.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
(And it was in our own minds.)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was 9 years of age.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
This is soul school!.
So, i spoilt her more .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
When she asked me how she looked .
I could never make a relationship work though!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She loved him until the end.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We were not on the streets..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My life is so biszare .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Put me off passion for life!!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Im still living with it.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I think the readers, may guess!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I have no regrets .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
We all went to grammer schools
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
All the time i was locked up.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years